A shit social butterfly.

Having no extremely close friends at 20, sounds horrifically sad doesn’t it.

Sure I have friends, friends can be anything from the people you see in work / uni etc,
This isn’t going to be a post to make you feel sorry for me or a cry for “I NEED A FRIEND”, its to enlighten and hopefully some of you may feel the same, it seems to be a taboo topic we don’t really talk about either because people don’t want to feel alone or because if they do talk about it they’ll always get those acquaintances doing the whole ‘but we’re your friends’ shebang.

So, im 20 and I have no best friends, I’ve had best friends, oh shit have I had friends, but this is what I’m here to discuss, HAD. I’ve HAD close friends.
See there are a few pointers I’ve realised to this conclusion, mainly being the fact that I’m either always at work, university or doing things for myself in my spare time, the fact I’m in a relationship means nothing in this scenario, its not as though I dont have free time to spend with friends.
But all my life when you progress from primary school, secondary school, hobbies, work etc, you leave one place and you start anew.
I’ve found that most friendship groups I know have been best friends since primary, I just can’t get my head around situations like that because although its very ‘aww’, it doesn’t seem plausible to me.

When I move on to a new stage in my life, seemingly I like to start fresh, not saying I just drop everyone in my past situations but natural causes we just drift so much that its left entirely.
I had friends in primary school that I haven’t spoken to in a good 8 or so years, I had a really tight nit friendship group in high school until I left for a new high school, unfortunately we stopped seeing each other as often, stopped making plans, the friendship group split and I was now in a new school, therefore my place in the friendship group was sadly lost.
This brings me to the next friendship group in my new school, they were already quite tight nit and it’s always hard joining already formed friendship groups because you’re just the new girl in this situation, however I always felt somehow left out because of this, after prom, the same thing happened and it fizzled out because I’d then moved to college, I only made it to first year in this particular college so I won’t spare you the details as to what happened when I moved to a different college because aye, you guessed it, I lost touch with any friends I had there too.

College pt.2, I developed pretty close friendships with my entire class to be fair, being the only female in the class made this hard however, now that we’ve just rolled to uni we’ve sort of lost contact there too.
I cant give you a fair enough evaluation for uni because I’ve only been here since September but I can clarify that my decision to not live in for first year may have impacted my chances on making a tight nit group of friends but thats the fear of the unknown for ya, what could’ve happened who knows.

Hobbies, now its no secret I’ve been dancing since a reeeaaallly young age, and I had a really close friend in dance, we’d do absolutely EVERYTHING together, we we’re that absolutely disgustingly close type of best friends, but I took a year out of dance and sadly that friendship seemed to fizzle away too.

It’s not a sob story, its a realisation that all the people I’ve been close to, seemingly its ONLY because of the given situation that I was in that place, was I only friends with these people because I had to see them every day?
Were they friends with me/eachother/other people out of convenience because we were all in the same location so it made the friendship easier to progress?
Every time I step up the ladder of life, I gain new friends and lose old ones, as sad as it sounds seemingly thats just life.
Other times people may have just generally pissed me off or wanted different things in life like some weird friendship breakup and we’ve gone our separate ways.

I have friends/acquaintances sure, but do I have a best friend? No, not really, if not at all.
Is it shite? Yeah, sometimes I’d quite like one, as independent as I am, I’m always too driven on reaching future goals to realise maybe I should come down and focus on the now.

I’m not lonely by all means, I have an amazing family & boyfriend who love me the world and that’s all I could ever ask for.

But sometimes you feel like there’s something missing, could it be fuelled by social media portraying friendships or otherwise?

So here I am, 20 years old, I’ve had around 8 best friends in my lifetime and I’ve flitted from around 10 different friendship groups, I can never seem to land and just be pinned down, I always seem to do my own thing and never need to bring others with me.

Maybe that’s just for me to personally develop, maybe what will be will be, who knows.

But if you’re in the same situation don’t stress, don’t feel lonely, most of the time those big friendship groups you see on social media, they probably only like 1 person from the group, because that’s how fickle friendships can be in this generation.

You do you,


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